nov 17, 2023

Morning pages:

• Fruits and vegetables from Kathmandu street vendors (and anywhere people buy direct from farmers) are so much fresher and more delicious. An actual farmer’s market every day. Sounds silly but my mind was kinda blown when I realized this and our system of mass producing, dumping into refrigerated trucks and shipping hundreds of miles is feeding people but losing a lot in the process

• Did not realize what mangoes or tomatoes were supposed to taste like until yesterday

• Roma tomatoes in the US are the most flavorless of them all

• Cooking with fresh ingredients is a luxury

• I used to live life like a pressure cooker, ignoring the warning whistles until it was too late. Working on releasing the pressure sooner (spoiler: there will always be pressure)

• What happens when we allow the dust in our brains to settle even further?

• There’s suddenly so much I want to release, jot down, record before this 10 day Vipassana course. I’ve had this obsession since childhood of recording everything and being so afraid I’ll forget it all. Am more nervous about the not being able to record things than the silent part

• I suppose this year has built up to this - meditation seeking in NY, YTT (with silent breakfasts where I spent most of my time journaling), all around introspection and letting go - and am ready as I’ll ever be

• Toward the end of 2020 into 2021 I tasted freedom and bliss with van life travels and Austin life. At the time I saw it as a flash in the pan, a non-replicable stage of life. Recently have been wondering if those elements of mental mood and clarity are part of the end goal after all

• Into the abyss we go. See you on the other side